Anyway, as I was trying to sleep I realised that I wanted someone to talk to. Not big, deep and meaningful type conversations about love, life and children’s TV theme tunes though, just someone to chatter away to about nothing in particular while I tried to drift off. The only way I could think of to get someone though, was to drag them in off the street, but my street was deadly quiet, as it always is after around 7pm when the residents tuck themselves into bed to have dreams about winning gold at the Chelsea Flower Show. So I needed to come up with another option – I’d have to pay someone to come and blether away to me.
The flaw in that scheme is that the only people you can pay to come into your bedroom in the middle of the night and do things are prostitutes! And the flaw in that is that prostitutes are 1) probably way too expensive, 2) they expect you to have sex with them and 3) I very much doubt that most prostitutes are capable of holding a conversation more complex than, “that’ll be £70”.
And thus, I spotted my niche in the market. I will set up an online business, supplying clients with people who are half prostitute (will come out to your house in the middle of the night and cost a lot of money) and half friend (will put up with you rambling about any old tripe for hours without complaining, and will ramble tripe back at you!) Using my incredible naming skills, I have decided that my business will be called Frienditutes. Classy, huh?! You can order men or women to be your Frienditute, and you could narrow down your search by specifying a Frienditute with skills in specialist subjects, say for instance an expert in music, or TV, or farmyard animals. This way, no one will ever have to be bored or lonely as they drift off to sleep, and I will become a millionaire! It’s flawless!
I’m still mourning the death of Audiogalaxy, or at least, the useful bit of Audiogalaxy. If anyone’s into lists of songs they can’t have then the site’s still very much alive for you! At the moment I’m using KaZaA (ugh, that capitalisation is the ugliest thing in the world. I think we can safely assume that if the person who invented this software had a Diaryland diary they would WriTe LiKe THiS. Yeuch.) KaZaA had better not go the same route as Audiogalaxy anytime soon either, because I’m downloading a Ben Folds video and I’ve got 75 hours of downloading time to go apparently… I want broadband!
Anyway, I’m off to find some things to do that aren’t falling asleep, even though all I want to do is fall asleep. Got to be “tough on myself”, got to be “tough on myself”… erk.